Volleyball

Note: No, I did not write this to make anyone feel bad. That is not my intention. My intention of writing this is because writing it out makes me feel better and makes me see and think clearer. So please do not come back holding this piece of entry against me. You have been forewarned.

I felt like a volleyball; at times I am being served, at times I am being spiked and there are times I hit rock bottom.
This time is no exceptional. I think I am hitting rock bottom. Served and spiked by the people I call friends.
Sad but welcome to the story of my life.

You told me how people need to get used to staying alone. How come I did not see you doing that? How come I see you protecting yourself first even if it means...

As for last night, how come you did not ask me how I feel about this before telling me your decision? By asking me how I feel about it after telling me your decision... -_-
Do I even look like I have a choice to say it? And even if I do, didn't it later remains just the same? Because the decision has been made. How silly.

I will tell you what happen if I did not shift out of home back then. I would not be silly to accept a job all the way at KL thinking that I will still be staying at Funkytown for sometime. I will not make silly decision like that.
Probably I will get somewhere nearer to home and today I will not have to be dealing with all this. 
Sorry and No I am not blaming anyone. I blame myself for being naive. I also blame myself for knowing all along that the current roommate I have isn't the right one I should be staying with but I still go with it. In the name of putting others first in my prority.

Then someone reminds me of the things I once said. Priority changes.

How it rings in my head all night. I missed the time when life is simpler and friends are all you have. How did people maintain their friendship? How did they do it until their friends walked down the aisle and have grand-kids? Don't they have disagreements and rows?
I am amazed and I want to learn how to be one of them. I was happier back then. This year, there is just too much to cry for.

I do not want to keep thinking about this anymore. Because thinking about it does not give me a solution.
Right now, the question is, to shift home, to quit my job or to get a wheel?

p/s: I gotta stop stressing so much. There are more white hair and the thyroid is getting more prominent. >_<